Nuggets of Wisdom

Last weekend, I was at an outdoor music festival with one of my dearest friends and a friend of hers. I’ve known Christine for years, but she’s going through a divorce and has consequently opened up in ways I never expected. She talks freely about sex now, which is pretty fun because she has re-entered the dating pool and is therefore armed with tales of misadventures and hijinks.

Her friend John is also (somewhat) recently divorced and voiced his attraction to both of us without hesitation. He’s been (somewhat) pursuing her for a while, despite her claims that she is not interested. He’d just met me that day, and after we relaxed in the sun and had a few beers, he commented on my curves several times.

Sun, attraction, and beer are good ingredients for a sexy conversation, and that’s precisely the direction we headed in. Somehow we ended up debating what makes a good lover. John said he always makes sure his partner orgasms before he does, and I stopped him right there. While that’s generous, I take issue with this line of thinking because what it neglects is that women often get very aroused knowing that they caused an orgasm. “If you get excited making her cum, why wouldn’t it be the other way around?” I posited. This seemed to throw him for a loop. Christy agreed with me, which launched into exploring what makes a good lover.

1) Love your body. This may seem obvious, but it always surprises me to see how many people are ashamed or embarrassed by their bodies. Why? To paraphrase Lady Gaga, you were born that way! So what if you’ve got some extra pounds or some physical quirks? You wouldn’t be in bed with someone who didn’t find you attractive, so go with it!

2) Along the same lines, love the bodies of others. What could be more delicious than feeling skin on skin? Every body is different and exploring those differences is delightful. The best lovers I’ve ever had loved women. Period. They loved every bit of ripe flesh.

3) Take your time. Sex isn’t a race. Maybe people have watched too much TV and just want to bang, I don’t know. But, take your time and build up to it. It’s worth it.

4) Similarly, enjoy the after. Some of my favorite moments are post-coital. Feeling so deliciously sated and relaxed in the arms of someone is fabulous.

5) Listen to your partner. Assuming you’re not with someone who berates you, listen to what he/she is telling you about what he/she likes. Don’t be offended – the information is being offered to make sex even better. That’s a vote of confidence, not a criticism.

6) Watch how your partner responds, and pay attention to it. If your partner is silent every time you lick her ear, maybe it’s not her thing. Try something else. There are plenty of options.

7) Finally – and this is by far the most important – make sure every encounter is a good memory for both (or all) involved. I admit, I’ve stolen this line from a liberal sex ed program, but to me, it sums up all other advice. There’s no judgment in it and it includes forethought and consideration.

This all seems so simple, doesn't it? It's remarkably difficult. I've had very few lovers who seems to love sex and skin. But it really does make all the difference.

Changes

There have been some major changes over here, which are not unexpected in the course of 4 years, right? This is a solo endeavor now. Stay tuned.

Reunited

The Bloke got in very late last night; I'd scurried up to his place in the evening to prepare a dinner for him, but he got in close to midnight so I didn't know if he'd even want to eat. The poor guy had to be at work early(ish) this morning, so I assumed he'd unload the car and we'd go to bed.
Turns out he WAS just hungry enough to scarf down some of the dinner I'd made, some bread, and some wine. I was tired too, so I stayed up with him, but was rather quiet. The idea of curling up against him was so sweet that I was counting down the minutes until I could strip down and nestle my body against his.
I climbed into bed as he washed up and I was damn near asleep by the time he came in. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tighter into him. "Mmmm... you feel so good... and smell good... and taste good..." he whispered. He ran his hand down the side of my body, slowly feeling my hips and my belly. As his hand wandered back up, it found its way to my breasts and began to touch, then pinch, my nipples. I wriggled with pleasure and smiled in the darkness, moving my mouth to his to find his tongue. I felt his body vibrate as he sighed into me, and my hand found its way down to his cock. He was rock hard. My cunt was getting wetter the harder he pinched my nipples and I moved close to his ear to whisper "Why does that make me want to fuck instantly?" He laughed and said "Well, I guess I'll just have to fuck you then." He turned me on to my belly and opened my cunt with his fingers wide enough to slid his cock in. "I don't know if I'll come..." he trailed off. I didn't care in the least; it felt so good to have him in me and I ground my hips back and against him, feeling him pressing deep against my cervix. It'd been two weeks since we'd fucked last, so I came fast and hard. He laughed with delight after I came and pressed his body against mine to find my mouth for a deep kiss. He slowly pulled out and we fell asleep, both exhausted.
Clearly we weren't that tired; I felt his hands searching for my cunt again around three in the morning and I woke up to him carressing my already-wet clit. I grew hungrier because this time, I wanted him to come. I rolled onto my back and pulled him on top of me; we often fuck from behind, so I love the intimacy of fucking face-to-face. He seemed to as well and pushed as deep in me as he could, cradeling my face with his hands so he could watch my expression. I again lifted my hips and pressed up against him, and listened to his breath change with pleasure. He could hold out much longer, and I pulled his face down to mine, whispering that he could bite me hard and leave all the marks he wanted. He chomped hungrily on my nipples and suddenly lifted his face, shouting out as he came. He lay still for a moment on me, savouring the moment, whispering how delicious I was and how happy he was to be back with me. "I'm sure your neighbors are too..." I smirked, thinking how they must've enjoyed the silence of his absence.
I'm heading back to his place tonight. Our romps last night and this morning were tasty, no doubt, but we need a full night of indulgence. I've already promised to let him do anything he likes to me. Not that that's anything unusual, but with the massive amount of options that lay before us, anticipation is indeed delightful...

A Dope Beat to Step To

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Aftermath of a Decision

I'm moving this weekend, which is one of my least favorite pasttimes. Packing is a total bitch. When I skipped town to go to Mexico indefinitely when I was 24, I didn't pack until the night before. And I left anything winter-like in the bin, even abandoning my coat at the airport.

ANYWAY, as I was packing up the contents of my boudoir, I stumbled upon an old dildo. The Bloke's loaded me up with so many new toys that I totally forgot about this one; I haven't used it in well over six months, but I hold a bit of sentimentality for it. It was The Divorce Dildo. It was my first fuck after I left my husband. -Swoon-

Still, the past is gone, right? I tossed it into the rubbish bins. C'mon! I got bigger and better now.

Women are downright heartless, aren't we?

(Afterthought: what on earth are the trash collectors going to think if that of all things falls out en route to the truck? Hmmm. I'm sure they've seen worse...)

Indications of a Good Weekend

Sizing It Up

The age-old question of size came up the other night: does it matter?

Hmmm.

The generous part of me would like to put up the polite front and say "No! Of course not!"

In truth? Yep. Sure does.

Now, before y'all get all up in my grill over that, I have one big revelation: size is both good an bad.

My first lover ever was my on-and-off high school boyfriend. We first hooked up when I was fifteen, tortured each other for a few months, and then became pretty solid when I was around 17. We had sex for the first time when I was just 16 (on the washing machine in his basement... oh, the romance!) and I did. not. en. joy. it. My unfortunate first was big. And for a virgin, he was B-I-G. He couldn't even get in me at first and finally, after finding the pinhole opening that I must've been, he slammed in. I felt a ripping pain and blood gushed out everywhere. S'a good thing we were near the washing machine, 'cause we needed to wash damn near everything around us.

Needless to say, I was pretty hesitant to repeat that. We broke up shortly thereafter, I gained some experience with a smaller guy, and by the time I hooked back up with my first, we were good to go. He was certainly packing, but I loved it. It hurt sometimes if he pressed in too deep, but I even relished that part. Despite our relatively young ages (me 17, him 19), we were pretty creative and I have him to partially thank for my kink today.

I've had plenty of lovers over the years, but honestly, the men that stand out the most were big. My ex-husband was not. And honestly, it was difficult. I had a hard time getting off, though size wasn't the only issue; he was also remarkably uncreative. I asked him to spank me once and he looked horrified. I can't even imagine what he would've done if I suggested a dildo. In fact, my divorce gift to myself was a well-endowed vibrator. Oh, sweet freedom!

When The Bloke first came home with me, we were in an intense make-out session and I felt his hard-on through his khakis. I was astounded. I'd never been with anyone that big, and I even laughed and said "My god, I don't think that'll even fit in me!" He laughed and replied with his confident "Don't worry, it will..." I suppose he already had blind faith in my openness.

The key here, though, is that I love to push the limits of sex; I love to feel stretched wide open and I can orgasm just thinking of that. I'm not an overly sensitive woman; the harder The Bloke chomps on my nipples or clit, the more excited I get. A more delicate woman would have a difficult time accommodating such size; hence my early proclamation. I think most guys think that uberendowed gents can get anyone they want, but it can be seriously intimidating to some women.

Luckily for all parties presently involved, we ain't got such issues. The only problem we have now is that dildos I once thought were large now just seem average. Bugger.