Blurry Vision

I'm in the process of moving. This, dear readers, is perhaps my least favorite extracurricular activity and yet I seem to do it with disturbing regularity. The only bonus so far is that I bought a new bed which The Bloke has very generously offered to help me break in. He's selfless, that one.

But I digress.

In a bid to procrastinate just a leeetle while longer, I decided to do some laundry, which is another unfavored activity but it's quite a few rungs above moving. On my way over to da 'mat (as us hipsters are prone to call it), I bumped into a gent from a meditation group I've gone to. P is probably in his late 40s and looks unnervingly like a lover I had in Mexico, Y. Looks, however, are deceiving and P couldn't be further in personality from Y if he tried. Whereas Y was suave, smooth, sexy, self-assured, P is awkward and a bit hyper. He's a very nice man, no doubt, but he's on full-speed most of the time, which is quite curious since I met him in the least speedy environment around.

ANyway, I smiled and waved at P from across the street and he waited while I crossed. "I was thinking of you today," he smiled. "Oh really? And why's that?" I responded. "Well, yesterday you said you were 'seeing someone'. What does that mean?"

Ah, yes. The age-old question.

And actually it's a legit question. "Seeing someone" is about as nebulous as it gets. It could mean that you're sleeping with someone you like a lot and aren't looking (which is my case). It could mean that you're avoiding the person to whom you affirm you're seeing someone. Last year, I heard a guy say casually that he was seeing someone and it turned out they'd been living together for 17 years and he helped raise her kids! So what does it mean?

P continued "Does it mean you're in love and happy? Or does it mean you're involved but open? I'm sorry if I'm forward, I'm just curious." I did appreciate his directness. "For me, it means I'm not looking," I answered. He nodded and said "It's just interesting. Another woman said that to me last week, and I really wanted to ask what she meant. I figured you could tell me." (Translation: not interested in me - thank goodness - but too timid to ask the chick he is digging.)

This all began a discussion of love, intimacy, honesty. P and I talked about the difficulties therein but that, even at our relatively experienced ages, you need to take the leap of faith. Honestly, I think that's why a lot of older men like me: I'm not jaded. Despite relationships turning sour, I still love throwing myself in an affair; I love the first feelings of enamourment; I love exploring a new lover, both physically and mentally; and I love finding someone with whom I connect and want to hang around a while. I also don't believe that anything lasts forever. Life continues to flow, and people evolve and grow. That's not a bad thing at all. All I ask from a lover, either committed or not, is to tell me if he wants to move on. I might be a little hurt, but I'll have much more respect than I would for someone who starts acting shady. (Not that that has ever happened... I've been very lucky!)

I once heard a very open sex educator say that he teaches children to make sure every sexual experience they have will be a pleasant memory. And I agree. It's a beautifully honest way to view sexuality and relationships, whether its a first time or 200th, whether is gay or straight, whether its a kinky fling or a loving commitment.